Inside Out

I was re-reading my fav book on child raising, and received a revelation for my own life. Go figure, I am trying to fix my kids and yet, I find a nugget to fix me!

Upon my journey to figure out who I really am, I had discovered many behaviors about myself that I do not like and wish that I could change. After several attempts to change with no progress to show, I got fed up and had decided that it was impossible for me to change.

Then the words from this book (that I have read many times before) jumped off the page and keep replaying in my mind.  It says you have to change the heart before the behavior can change.

Hello! I have to fix my insides before it reflects on the outside! (Matthew 15:19- For out of the heart proceeds evil thoughts. Colossians 3:15- And let the peace of God rule in your hearts).

So it turns out I still have a lot to work on. At least this time I know where to focus my energy; on the inside, not the out!

In the Lions Den

I just recentley finished reading the book of Daniel. While I was reading God gave me a very keen awareness of His presence. He reminded me of  the fact that the God that Daniel prayed to & shared an intimate relationship with, is the same God I spend time with everyday.

He is the SAME, Yesterday, Today & FOREVER!

What struck me the deepest was noting the point that Daniel did not know the end of his story, he was not able to read his story and know that God was going to deliver him.

What he did know is that God is faithful, and that no matter what the price, he was going to be obedient to God's law.  He knew that worshipping anything or anyone other than God would be far worse than incurring whatever human punishment was assigned.

Daniel went home and prayed in front of an OPEN window, three times a day, the same as he did everyday (Daniel 6:10). Regardless of the Kings new law, Daniel did not cower, he did not go hide in his closet for his prayer time, he did not stop doing what was right for fear that he might suffer the judgement of man.

I am sure the day that Daniel was sentenced by King Darius to the lions den, he thought it was certain death. He knew, just like Shadrach, Meshach & Abed-Nego, that whether or not God chose to deliver them or let them die, it didn't matter (Daniel 3:16-17). They trusted God and they were going to be faithful to God and God alone.

Our lives are similar to Daniel and his friends. We are tested everyday and we do not yet know how the end of our stories will be written. We can however take heart and know that our God is faithful and capable. 

It matters not how God chooses to conclude a situation in our life.  Some have been martyred for their faith and their refusal to waiver, but even that as tragic as it sounds to our flesh, was obedience that honored God and is a testimony that God can and will use. Nothing happens in our lives by accident. Everything that we go through, good and bad, God can and will use to help us, help others!

We may not be able to read the book of our lives and know how it ends, but we do have a book that we can read and by reading the Word of God we can know what is to come, we can discover His will and the blessings that He has for us. We can find the encouragement that we need when we are faced with our own trials, that a man was thrown into a den full of lions and he WAS NOT devoured! If God can shut the mouths of hungry lions, what makes you think He can't deliver you from you den of lions? 

Be still & know that I am God (Psalms 46:10)

Guiding our children into fruitful lives

When I first found out I was pregnant with a girl I became very scared. I was afraid that she would fall into all the same sinful traps that I had, that she would endure painful expeirences that would scar her for life and I just wanted to save her from such torment. This is probably why you have heard me jokingly say, "I wish I had boys, because I hear they are much easier to deal with."

The only problem with my saving grace that I was trying to extend to my daughter by molding her and teaching her the way I thought was right in my own eyes, is that I am subject to my own sinful nature, and my grace didn't always appear to be a saving method, but more of a self propelled agenda of demanding submission and giving myself all power and control.

Until a few years ago, I was in a Women's Bible Study at our church and we were reading the book, "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp (The best book I have ever read on raising children, and I have read plenty!). God spoke to my heart and asked me if I trusted Him. My thought was, well yeah, of course I do, that is a simple answer; but the truth was I didn't really. So again God spoke and said to me, "She (my first born) is My child, I have blessed you with her, entrusted her to you, but you have to let Me build her testimony!"

Basically, what He told me was I needed to stop fearing what might happen to her and trust that no matter what happens in her life that He is in control, that all things are according to His will, and are used for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Paraphrased; Romans 8:28)

Recently, I had an idea to write about some things I had learned while reading this book; as a form of rebuke to someone whom I would never have the courage to say anything to, face to face. So today, I took the book off my book shelf so that I would be sure to properly quote all of my points; and that soft still voice whispers in my ear, "Why are you trying to pick the speck out of someone else's eye, don't you see the log in your own?"

Ummm, can I just say, OUCH! Really He should of said, "don't you see the whole forrest in your own eye?"

Obviously, after the fight I had with my daughter this morning before school (what an awful way for her day to begin) and the prodding from God, I will be rereading this wonderful book on child rearing.

I realize yet once again, that I can not let my personal agenda get in the way of how I raise my children, unless my agenda is 100% biblical, and lets face it, that is impossible!

I can not try to shape and mold my children to have characterisics that I want them to have just so that they will perform a certain way. I need to pray for the guidance and wisdom from God on a daily basis, so that I can help them the develop the character  that He has destined for them! Does this mean I shouldn't teach my girls how to obey and be respectful? No, it means that I should teach by example. It means that I need to let the fruits of the spirit be evident in my life and show them how to make first things first. They need to see God at work in my life and He will make sure that through my obedience to Him that all things will fall into place for my children.

Proverbs 22:6; Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Post-op Examination

When I knew that I was going to have surgery on my ear, I made a promise to God that during my recovey time when I was off work, I would devote my time to reconnecting to Him; to build our relationship and take it to a deeper level. To reclaim my first love. My plan was not to rush through my devotional time so that I could make a check mark on my to do list for the day, but to spend the time soaking up His word and meditating on it and truly offering a sacrifice off worship. My goal; not to just let my ear heal that I might have better hearing; but that my hearing would be more sensitive to His voice.

So now that I am awake and coherent, I have been giving God the first fruits of my day and letting Him speak into my heart; not just laying out my requests for Him as if they were a grocery list of items that I need.

One of my favorite things about God's word is that it is alive and each time you read it you receive a new nugget, or it polishes up an old nugget that you may have forgotten about. No matter how many times you reread a passage you will ALWAYS get something from it! 

Here are some truths that God reminded me off as I was reading His word and my devotional book that is walking me through the Bible, yet one more time.

2 CORINTHIANS 4: 16 Even though the outward man is perishing; yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 

Are you worried more about maintaining your figure and appearance more than your heart? Have you read God’s word today? 

PSALMS 34:17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.

When you acknowledge the reliability of the one who is in charge of your life and then admit your fear; you have to appropriate the power that He has promised to give to you. You have to tell Jesus your troubles. (Sanctuary; by David Jeremiah) 

As a friend of mine used to jokingly say "has it come to that?" Don't let your problem go on until the only thing left to do is pray. Pray when your problem first arises!

JAMES 3:17 The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.

God’s supply of wisdom never runs dry, but keeps coming to meet the demands of each hour. Worldly wisdom results in confusion but God’s wisdom brings peace, produces fruit and automatically multiplies. (Paraphrased from Sanctuary; by David Jeremiah)

Don’t let anything- people, money, fame, success, family- lead you any where but closer to God. (The Women’s Devotional Guide to the Bible; by Jean E. Syswerda) 

ROMANS 5:3-4 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.

God love His people with a desperation that causes Him to wait patiently for them to turn away from their sin and to turn towards him.  Even when affairs are their darkest, He is working, often behind the scenes, nudging events along in a way that will make His people see, if only they will look, that their only hope is turning to Him.

Frame your belief in God’s ability based on the promises in His Word (Mark 11:24 & Matthew 6:10) to fulfill your needs and your desire for His perfect will in your life.(The Women’s Devotional Guide to the Bible; by Jean E. Syswerda)

The circumstances that you are going through right now might just be a stepping stone towards an answered prayer, do not despise your trials, but let them refine you. 

MARK 11:24 I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. 

MATTHEW 6:10 May your Kingdom come; on earth as it is in heaven… 

PROVERBS 15:1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Anger does not promote change but only makes the problem go deeper. Learn to respond and not to react in every situation.

Some of these truths are so simple, and yet God reminded me of them because they are still relevant in my life on a daily basis. I must constantly meditate on them to keep my heart focused in the right direction. God needed me to realize that I will never be perfect enough or have the right amount of knowledge to be used, but that if my life is in order and I am putting first things first, I am usable. In fact He can't use me if I am "perfect" or "well accomplished" because then He would not get all the glory due to His name. He has to use imperfect people (David, Gideon, Samson, Rahab, Moses, Sarah- the list is never ending; all people are imperfect, you just have to have faith) because it is when we are weak He is strong!

 

Random thoughts

I have had many ideas swimming around in my head about things I want to write about, but I haven't had any quiet time to sit and enjoy my thoughts. My head feels like the fourth of July with firework thoughts exploding and then dimming out into the darkness. Of course recovering from surgery hasn't improved that at all, I feel like I have slept through four straight days being on pain meds and feeling weak and light headed, nothing coherent has probably left my head. 

I have the urge to write, to say something but for now it is just gobbledygook.

Today I am going to try and stay awake and maybe scrapbook, and fold some laundry. I opened the doors and lit candles so we have a nice sweet breeze going through...very relaxing.

I always complain about not having enough time to just lay around and now that I have it and have limitations on what I can do I am going crazy wanting to get out and do something.

One thing is for sure I am at least going to pick up a book today and turn of the T.V.

From fits of rage to gentleness...

I have been struggling for awhile now in trying to find out who I am, and trying to align it up to who God wants me to be.

I have heard several people give testimony about the instant change in their attitudes after making Christ, Lord of their lives; it would make me so angry because I want to have a better attitude. I want to be loving, kind and gentle, slow to anger and full of joy! I have prayed many times for such a transformation, I have tried really hard to act the way I wanted to be; but you can only "fake" it for so long.

Colossians 3: 8-17 talks about put off anger and your old sinful nature; and just clothe yourself with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, gentleness etc...

It makes me so frustrated, how do you just "put it on", it is not as easy as trying on a new shirt at the store; because we all know it is all too likely when you get that shirt home it just won't fit right.

So here I am on this merry go round of trying to meet these expectations, and everytime feeling that I fall short. I have come to realize that even though I strive to become a more loving and kind person, I still have to operate in the peronality and character that God created for me, and that I will never be that "sickeningly" sweet, always happy and calm type person.

But I still knew that I have some attitudes that definitely needed a huge adjustment! So my search continued to figure out how I could attain this Christ like disposition that is supposed to be so easily put on.

Then one day I am driving down the road to work, worshipping God at the top of my lungs and it hit me, the light bulb went off in my head, the ultimate "Eureka" moment.

We are told to abide in Him and He will abide in us (John 15:4), prior to this moment I thought that abide just meant to believe, but really it means "to remain, or endure"; to align ourselves to His will.  That apart from Him, in our own flesh, it is impossible to achieve such a loving personality.

I love it when you consider the whole counsel of God and everything just fits together like the pieces of a puzzle. The one verse all by itself was only a small chunk of the pie, only enough to make me long for more, but if you keep digging you will find the answers, and then it is like getting to eat the whole pie right out the pan all by yourself!

So, have I had a complete and total character transformation? No, but I continue to let the Holy Spirit do His work in me and little by little we are pruning out the weeds. After all bad habits are not easily broken, and new good habits seem to be even harder to create.

But I know His mercy and grace are bigger than my mistakes and He knows what I am striving towards and He will complete the good work started in me!

Expectations

The last few days I have been evaluating my level of expectation when it comes to what the Lord can do in my life.

I was  very disheartened to realize that even though I felt like what I consider to be my "big issue" was finally resting at the feet of Jesus and my faith-o-meter was on high that there are many things that I still haven't fully learned how to trust in God for.

Don't get me wrong, I fully believe God is the ultmate healer and that the miracles we read of in the Bible, still happen today, I just haven't felt those things were meant for me in my life. Partly because I have healing prayers unanswered,  and partly because I work in a place where God uses man to deliver His healing via surgery.  

Many times I have prayed for my mother to be healed, and for her to have the revelation that God is her healer and he does not wish for her to have such a poor quality of life. I have even gotten angry because she could not get this revelation in her own heart, and  I just knew that if she would, all her pain would be gone, she would be healed. Amazing that I could feel that passionate about it for someone else, all the while not realizing I haven't accepted the revelation for myself!

I know better than to put God in a box and put a limit on how He chooses to manifest His power, I also know better than to expect God to operate in my time frame; but when you are a 10 year old, with extreme faith and you go to every alter call for healing that is offered and you still have hearing loss and a portion of your eardrum missing...it makes you wonder. At first I just thought it wasn't my time, I was not to have the Doctor baffled testimony of complete inner ear restoration with no "apparent" reason of why. So I then began to believe that God was going to heal me through surgery, only 5 years later my ear problems came back and now at the age of 33, I again have to have the same surgery for my ear.  Not only that but I have an incisional hernia/scar revision and a Hiatal hernia (when your stomach slides up & down through your diaphragm, and gives you severe acid reflux) that I planned to all have done on the same day as I got my ear fixed (hey, I live in Walmart country, we live and breathe "One stop shopping").  That is also the benefit of working in surgery.

So here I am, planning to have several operations done on my body in the same day, and I realized I didn't even ask God to heal me when all of this came about. Well, that is not entirely true, I started having frequent ear infections about two years ago and I prayed then, and I haven't had an ear infection since (PTL!) but I still have a large hole in my eardrum. But I never consulted with God about having surgery, I just planned it. Problem at hand-solution found.

I am not saying that God doesn't want me to have the surgery, I am just saying because my level of expectation was low, I limited His power by not even giving Him a chance.

So I first had to laugh at myself for my thoughts & attitude I had about my mom's level of expectation, and then I had to repent for my own! 

We never stop growing, God is continually searching out hearts helping us find things that we can eliminate in ourselves so that there is less of us and more of Him, allowing for His power and blessing to light up our lives.

Mark 11:23

"For assuredly I say to you, whoever say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says."