I have heard several people give testimony about the instant change in their attitudes after making Christ, Lord of their lives; it would make me so angry because I want to have a better attitude. I want to be loving, kind and gentle, slow to anger and full of joy! I have prayed many times for such a transformation, I have tried really hard to act the way I wanted to be; but you can only "fake" it for so long.
Colossians 3: 8-17 talks about put off anger and your old sinful nature; and just clothe yourself with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, gentleness etc...
It makes me so frustrated, how do you just "put it on", it is not as easy as trying on a new shirt at the store; because we all know it is all too likely when you get that shirt home it just won't fit right.
So here I am on this merry go round of trying to meet these expectations, and everytime feeling that I fall short. I have come to realize that even though I strive to become a more loving and kind person, I still have to operate in the peronality and character that God created for me, and that I will never be that "sickeningly" sweet, always happy and calm type person.
But I still knew that I have some attitudes that definitely needed a huge adjustment! So my search continued to figure out how I could attain this Christ like disposition that is supposed to be so easily put on.
Then one day I am driving down the road to work, worshipping God at the top of my lungs and it hit me, the light bulb went off in my head, the ultimate "Eureka" moment.
We are told to abide in Him and He will abide in us (John 15:4), prior to this moment I thought that abide just meant to believe, but really it means "to remain, or endure"; to align ourselves to His will. That apart from Him, in our own flesh, it is impossible to achieve such a loving personality.
I love it when you consider the whole counsel of God and everything just fits together like the pieces of a puzzle. The one verse all by itself was only a small chunk of the pie, only enough to make me long for more, but if you keep digging you will find the answers, and then it is like getting to eat the whole pie right out the pan all by yourself!
So, have I had a complete and total character transformation? No, but I continue to let the Holy Spirit do His work in me and little by little we are pruning out the weeds. After all bad habits are not easily broken, and new good habits seem to be even harder to create.
But I know His mercy and grace are bigger than my mistakes and He knows what I am striving towards and He will complete the good work started in me!
