Expectations

The last few days I have been evaluating my level of expectation when it comes to what the Lord can do in my life.

I was  very disheartened to realize that even though I felt like what I consider to be my "big issue" was finally resting at the feet of Jesus and my faith-o-meter was on high that there are many things that I still haven't fully learned how to trust in God for.

Don't get me wrong, I fully believe God is the ultmate healer and that the miracles we read of in the Bible, still happen today, I just haven't felt those things were meant for me in my life. Partly because I have healing prayers unanswered,  and partly because I work in a place where God uses man to deliver His healing via surgery.  

Many times I have prayed for my mother to be healed, and for her to have the revelation that God is her healer and he does not wish for her to have such a poor quality of life. I have even gotten angry because she could not get this revelation in her own heart, and  I just knew that if she would, all her pain would be gone, she would be healed. Amazing that I could feel that passionate about it for someone else, all the while not realizing I haven't accepted the revelation for myself!

I know better than to put God in a box and put a limit on how He chooses to manifest His power, I also know better than to expect God to operate in my time frame; but when you are a 10 year old, with extreme faith and you go to every alter call for healing that is offered and you still have hearing loss and a portion of your eardrum missing...it makes you wonder. At first I just thought it wasn't my time, I was not to have the Doctor baffled testimony of complete inner ear restoration with no "apparent" reason of why. So I then began to believe that God was going to heal me through surgery, only 5 years later my ear problems came back and now at the age of 33, I again have to have the same surgery for my ear.  Not only that but I have an incisional hernia/scar revision and a Hiatal hernia (when your stomach slides up & down through your diaphragm, and gives you severe acid reflux) that I planned to all have done on the same day as I got my ear fixed (hey, I live in Walmart country, we live and breathe "One stop shopping").  That is also the benefit of working in surgery.

So here I am, planning to have several operations done on my body in the same day, and I realized I didn't even ask God to heal me when all of this came about. Well, that is not entirely true, I started having frequent ear infections about two years ago and I prayed then, and I haven't had an ear infection since (PTL!) but I still have a large hole in my eardrum. But I never consulted with God about having surgery, I just planned it. Problem at hand-solution found.

I am not saying that God doesn't want me to have the surgery, I am just saying because my level of expectation was low, I limited His power by not even giving Him a chance.

So I first had to laugh at myself for my thoughts & attitude I had about my mom's level of expectation, and then I had to repent for my own! 

We never stop growing, God is continually searching out hearts helping us find things that we can eliminate in ourselves so that there is less of us and more of Him, allowing for His power and blessing to light up our lives.

Mark 11:23

"For assuredly I say to you, whoever say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says."

With the new year comes a new dedication and adventuree through reading the Bible. I discovered a great devotional book that is going to take me through the bible in a way I have never gone before. This book not only has a reading plan, but it plans for study, response and prayer for each section you read. So far it has been amazing,  I look forward to doing it instead of feeling in bondage to the schedule.

Today I was reading about Noah, we all know the basics of this story, but my devotional asked me to put my self in the place of Noah's wife, how would I have felt being on the ark, how would I react the first time the dove came back empty "handed"? How in times of testing does my faith react?

That put a very interesting spin on the whole story.

I am a very impatient person, I want instant gratification and immediate results! So to think how I would have felt when that dove returned with nothing, is pretty easy to imagine. I would have been full of doubts, my hope would have faded,and I might even be a bit angry, because I would feel forsaken.

Just the other day I was having these feelings, shaking my fist at God kin of moment.

You see, I am married to a great man, but he is not saved. To make a long story short, I have been praying and waiting for this for approximatley five years now. Well, the other day I had lost all hope, got down right mad at God because the whole thing just seems impossible!

No sooner did I get those feelings out, and my apology came rolling right behind; because I know in my heart that with God ALL things are possible and so I began to pray for the gift of hope to be restored in my spirit.

So after this expierence and then meditating on my reading and reponse devotional, I felt a sense of new strength and deeper hope.

I was reminded of two scriptures in Hebrews. 10:23- Let us hold fast the confession of our

hope without wavering, for He who promised IS faithful!

11:1- Now faith is the substanceof things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

To sum it up, I realize how important it is to keep my eyes on Him and not the circumstances, this makes it easier to keep hold of the hope of His promise, and I cant be distracted by what I see, because God will deliver!!!