Expectations

The last few days I have been evaluating my level of expectation when it comes to what the Lord can do in my life.

I was  very disheartened to realize that even though I felt like what I consider to be my "big issue" was finally resting at the feet of Jesus and my faith-o-meter was on high that there are many things that I still haven't fully learned how to trust in God for.

Don't get me wrong, I fully believe God is the ultmate healer and that the miracles we read of in the Bible, still happen today, I just haven't felt those things were meant for me in my life. Partly because I have healing prayers unanswered,  and partly because I work in a place where God uses man to deliver His healing via surgery.  

Many times I have prayed for my mother to be healed, and for her to have the revelation that God is her healer and he does not wish for her to have such a poor quality of life. I have even gotten angry because she could not get this revelation in her own heart, and  I just knew that if she would, all her pain would be gone, she would be healed. Amazing that I could feel that passionate about it for someone else, all the while not realizing I haven't accepted the revelation for myself!

I know better than to put God in a box and put a limit on how He chooses to manifest His power, I also know better than to expect God to operate in my time frame; but when you are a 10 year old, with extreme faith and you go to every alter call for healing that is offered and you still have hearing loss and a portion of your eardrum missing...it makes you wonder. At first I just thought it wasn't my time, I was not to have the Doctor baffled testimony of complete inner ear restoration with no "apparent" reason of why. So I then began to believe that God was going to heal me through surgery, only 5 years later my ear problems came back and now at the age of 33, I again have to have the same surgery for my ear.  Not only that but I have an incisional hernia/scar revision and a Hiatal hernia (when your stomach slides up & down through your diaphragm, and gives you severe acid reflux) that I planned to all have done on the same day as I got my ear fixed (hey, I live in Walmart country, we live and breathe "One stop shopping").  That is also the benefit of working in surgery.

So here I am, planning to have several operations done on my body in the same day, and I realized I didn't even ask God to heal me when all of this came about. Well, that is not entirely true, I started having frequent ear infections about two years ago and I prayed then, and I haven't had an ear infection since (PTL!) but I still have a large hole in my eardrum. But I never consulted with God about having surgery, I just planned it. Problem at hand-solution found.

I am not saying that God doesn't want me to have the surgery, I am just saying because my level of expectation was low, I limited His power by not even giving Him a chance.

So I first had to laugh at myself for my thoughts & attitude I had about my mom's level of expectation, and then I had to repent for my own! 

We never stop growing, God is continually searching out hearts helping us find things that we can eliminate in ourselves so that there is less of us and more of Him, allowing for His power and blessing to light up our lives.

Mark 11:23

"For assuredly I say to you, whoever say to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says."